The concept of home for many brings to mind a safe, comfortable and happy place.
For Eileen Pagni, 29, of Sonora, a homeless shelter, a tent and a travel trailer are the closest she has come to having a home since 2004.
Permanence in residence has eluded Pagni, who was born and raised in Tuolumne County.
She is one of a small, but underestimated, number of homeless people in Tuolumne and Calaveras counties. They include those who, like Pagni, work.
There are approximately 181 homeless people living in Tuolumne County, according to Beetle Barbour, housing resources coordinator from the Amador-Tuolumne Community Action Agency, which also serves Calaveras County.
In Calaveras County, the numbers are similar. There are approximately 168 homeless people according to Jeanne Boyce, director of Calaveras County Health Services Agency.
"Many people don't realize there are so many because, in rural areas, homeless people hide," Boyce said. "We were surprised by the numbers."
For the homeless, every day is a struggle to make ends meet. Pagni has been steadily employed as a maid at the Inns of California in downtown Sonora for the past four years.
Stretching every dollar from her minimum wage job has been a constant challenge.
"I'd be able to afford the housing, not the rest," Pagni said, referring to food, utilities and any extras necessary to maintain a household.
Pagni is not alone in her struggle to afford housing, according to county officials.
"The largest number of people commented that there wasn't enough affordable housing," Barbour said of the Central Sierra Continuum of Care Homeless Census, conducted in March of 2007 and surveying people in Amador, Calaveras and Tuolumne counties.
Pagni's hours fluctuate with the seasons, which makes budgeting for housing nearly impossible.
Wintertime can be slow at the motel, so Pagni never knows when she will be called to work.
Her hours become steady once summertime comes around and tourists visit the foothills.
More hours mean more money, but they also mean increased stress, which can be hard for Pagni who suffers from depression.
"It's really hard work. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed," she said. "Don't get me wrong, I am lucky to have the job."
"They (doctors) tried to say it was bipolar disorder. I'm depressed. That's what it is," she explained. "Who wouldn't be in my situation."
A common thread of a majority of homeless people, according to Barbour, is a disability, such as Pagni's depression.
"Whether it is physical, mental, undiagnosed or drugs and alcohol, disability is a factor to homelessness," Barbour said.
Turning to family is an option for many, but not for Pagni. Some of her family members live locally, but they aren't in a position to help her or she is estranged from them.
Her homeless friends and the volunteers who work at centers, where she gets services, have become her family, as well as William Pitts, her fiancé, who she met at Coffill Park in 2004.
Having homelessness in common in the beginning, the pair have forged a relationship and plan to marry on Aug. 4, the day they met four years ago.
They refuse to let their homelessness come between their plans. They have been through far tougher experiences together.
In August 2005, Pagni gave birth to the couple's daughter, Rachael.
Living in a house, which was not fit for a baby to reside in, due to a lack of hot water and garbage piling up in the yard, Child Welfare Services was called and Pagni was told that Rachael could be removed from the residence.
"The place was a dump, but it was all we had," Pagni said.
Three weeks after Rachael was born, CWS removed the infant from the residence and the state took custody of her. Even now, talking about losing her daughter brings tears to her eyes.
In the long run, Pagni hopes her daughter will come looking for her when she is old enough to do so.
Being homeless with children is a reality for many in both Tuolumne and Calaveras counties. Of the 181 homeless in Tuolumne County, 53 are children, and of the 168 homeless in Calaveras County, 31 are children.
"Right now, I really believe she is better off, since I am in this situation," Pagni said.
Following the dilapidated house, there were various places Pagni stayed, including the homeless shelter.
"Thirty days is the limit in the homeless shelter," she said. "Hopefully you have the money to get an apartment or you end up living in a tent like me."
For two years, Pagni and Pitts weathered summer temperatures in the 100s and winter temperatures in the 20s.
They also endured harassment from the police, according to both, for being homeless.
For Pagni, it is important that people try to understand the displaced.
"All homeless people do not do drugs, vandalize or drink alcohol," Pagni said. "Some of us are trying to get off the streets and do better for ourselves."
Until she could do better, she just made do, by living in a tent with Pitts equipped with sleeping bags and a blow up mattress.
Outside the tent, the couple set up a makeshift kitchen, which housed a camp stove, a table and chairs. Without a bathroom and running water, Pagni used antibacterial wipes to keep clean, she said.
The tent provided them a home, and unlike the shelter, with its rules and regulations, Pagni and Pitts were able to come and go as they pleased.
"The shelter can be restrictive to adults who have lived on their own," Barbour said. "The rules are there for safety, but many have issues with them."
Barbour, who said the Tuolumne County shelter can house up to 40 people, believes there are up to 1,000 homeless in the county who do not stay in shelters because they believe they hinder their freedom.
"I'm including people who couch surf," Barbour said. "As long as they can fly below the radar and survive, they are happy."
For Pagni, restrictions, such as an imposed curfew and chores, made living in a tent a more liberating choice. There was one other very important reason for choosing the tent - Miko.
"We have a dog. He is my therapy dog. Will got him for me to replace my daughter," Pagni said crying. "We can't have Miko at the shelter."
Pagni has always loved animals, and in Rachael's absence, Miko has become her baby.
Never letting the fact that she's homeless get in the way of her dreams and goals, Pagni began taking an online course so that she can become a licensed veterinary technician in order to help animals in need.
Her experiences on the street haven't made her a bitter person, they have made her better, she said.
"I used to be this quiet person, really shy, but now I am more interactive," Pagni said. "I want to help other people."
Her positive outlook on life, her smile and her laughter is what amazes Michelle Gruber, benefits specialist for Tuolumne County Behavioral Health Department.
"In the face of all her adversity, she is determined," said Gruber, who was homeless herself at one point. "She is such a good person, and she is an inspiration to me."
In April, Gruber, who said she sees the potential in Pagni, recommend her for a part-time position working at the Peer Recovery Center on Stockton Road in Sonora.
"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity," Gruber said, quoting Einstein. She explains the relevance of the quote in relation to Pagni and her situation.
"In the middle of difficulty, I have the opportunity to help her," Gruber said.
A month ago, Pagni and Pitts moved out of their tent and into a travel trailer on the property of a friend. Pagni feels like her luck is changing, and for that she is grateful.
"Our tent is still set up in case we have to go back," Pagni said. "I thank God for how things are going now. Everything is coming together."
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